yes, something that i longed waited for, God finally answered my prayers. we (Hubby & i) was the happiest couple on earth. the thought of having our own child is just too exciting. the in-laws are even more happier as it will be their 1st grandchild. but why does this happiness last only for awhile? *sigh* since the start of my pregnancy, there's too many confusion.

 

1st time scanning, they couldnt see our baby. they assume that its Ectopic Pregnancy (luar rahim). i have to come back to the hospital, every 2 days to have my blood test done. it was heartbreaking, i was tired of worrying, assuming. so my 2nd scan was Alhamdullilah, way better. i could see my tiny baby. too small but was already beating heartbeat(s). even the nurse who was scanning me said "alahai, kecik molek. bijak ya suda ada heartbeat" -she was a baba pranakan btw. this scanning was not at the normal scanning where we were suppose to go to. this is a special scanning where we can see clearer compared to the normal ones. then few weeks later something happened. went back to the normal scanning. they told me its still to early to determine if my pregnancy is okay or if its a miscarriage. & THEY TOLD ME LOOKS LIKE IM HAVING A TWIN (no confirmation on that!) i was told to come back 2 weeks later. my 3rd scanning, again they told me they couldnt see any baby and the nurse (the same nurse from my 1st scanning) says that i have a miscarriage :'( went back to the doc right after that. they told me that there's still sac & that my cervix is still close. but she sent me for blood test to see if im still pregnant & have to come back in 2 weeks time (01/10/12).

 

so yea, that the whole story that really got me confuse. though i have already accepted this lost, apart of me still hopes that baby is still in me & is okay. but if not, i will sincerely God's fate. even my Tukang Urut says that sometimes, in 2 months pregnancy, you cant see they baby yet or maybe the baby is hiding. TOO many possibilities. i try not to think to much about this, cause i dont want to hope too much & get more hurt later.i just have to wait till next monday to see the result. 

 

im grateful that everyone is there to confort me & to let me know that im still young & that i shouldnt be that badly affected by this incident. but i have to admit that my heart & mind is still recovering. thanks Hubby for always being here for me, taking urgent leave just to keep me company, tolerating my cryings & complains to why life is unfair. i realise i shouldnt think this way cause God will sure have planned something better for me, Insyallah, Amin.

 

may God hear all my prayers & may i get good news on Monday.

 

if this is too much to ask for , Ya Allah,

just give me the strength to accept all that you have planned for me.

AMIN.

 

yes, something that i longed waited for, God finally answered my prayers. we (Hubby & i) was the happiest couple on earth. the thought of having our own child is just too exciting. the in-laws are even more happier as it will be their 1st grandchild. but why does this happiness last only for awhile? *sigh* since the start of my pregnancy, there's too many confusion.

 

1st time scanning, they couldnt see our baby. they assume that its Ectopic Pregnancy (luar rahim). i have to come back to the hospital, every 2 days to have my blood test done. it was heartbreaking, i was tired of worrying, assuming. so my 2nd scan was Alhamdullilah, way better. i could see my tiny baby. too small but was already beating heartbeat(s). even the nurse who was scanning me said "alahai, kecik molek. bijak ya suda ada heartbeat" -she was a baba pranakan btw. this scanning was not at the normal scanning where we were suppose to go to. this is a special scanning where we can see clearer compared to the normal ones. then few weeks later something happened. went back to the normal scanning. they told me its still to early to determine if my pregnancy is okay or if its a miscarriage. & THEY TOLD ME LOOKS LIKE IM HAVING A TWIN (no confirmation on that!) i was told to come back 2 weeks later. my 3rd scanning, again they told me they couldnt see any baby and the nurse (the same nurse from my 1st scanning) says that i have a miscarriage :'( went back to the doc right after that. they told me that there's still sac & that my cervix is still close. but she sent me for blood test to see if im still pregnant & have to come back in 2 weeks time (01/10/12).

 

so yea, that the whole story that really got me confuse. though i have already accepted this lost, apart of me still hopes that baby is still in me & is okay. but if not, i will sincerely God's fate. even my Tukang Urut says that sometimes, in 2 months pregnancy, you cant see they baby yet or maybe the baby is hiding. TOO many possibilities. i try not to think to much about this, cause i dont want to hope too much & get more hurt later.i just have to wait till next monday to see the result. 

 

im grateful that everyone is there to confort me & to let me know that im still young & that i shouldnt be that badly affected by this incident. but i have to admit that my heart & mind is still recovering. thanks Hubby for always being here for me, taking urgent leave just to keep me company, tolerating my cryings & complains to why life is unfair. i realise i shouldnt think this way cause God will sure have planned something better for me, Insyallah, Amin.

 

may God hear all my prayers & may i get good news on Monday.

 

if this is too much to ask for , Ya Allah,

just give me the strength to accept all that you have planned for me.

AMIN.